But before they show up, what's the one thing you plan to hide?

Alcohol seems to be the main one, South Africans tell us. 

Busisiwe Mbatha* says whenever her mother or her in-laws visit her and her husband in Cape Town from the Eastern Cape, they hide the booze.

“Yho, the booze has got to go. We hide our alcohol stash and I also make it a point to hide my lingerie as well,” the mother of three chuckles.

She doesn't go into much detail but says it's out of respect.

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Phindile Samuel also hides her alcohol when her mother-in-law comes to visit, but for a different reason.

“She does not know that her son, or her makoti drink, so we hide the alcohol when she comes over. I remember my mother-in-law was at my house with my husband and the kids and I had been out with a friend. Before I went into the house, my husband met me downstairs and hid the alcohol I had bought in the boot of his car. We had a bottle of wine in the fridge, but it was behind other things. But I made sure she didn't go near the fridge, just in case,” she says.

“She is not a snoopy person but also we do not want to shock her in any way. She also does not have good experiences with alcohol from her marriage, so we are careful not to trigger her. We cannot be insensitive and say it's not that deep,” she says.

Siphokazi Dladla in Johannesburg says her family knows she drinks alcohol, so that is not a problem. But when the elders are coming, she hides her sex toys.

“I am not ready to have that conversation with them, and I do not think they want to have it either. I do not want to have to explain what a dildo is and what it is used for to the elders, no thank you,” she says.

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Clinical psychologist Olwethu Mncono says when parents are in their children’s territories, it is important to pick battles.

“People have nothing to lose by just hiding their sex toys or having their alcohol in a cup instead of a glass when the parents come to visit if they know the parents will be uncomfortable.

“It is key to know your parents. Some are strict and authoritative and others are liberal, you know them. Find a way to make the few days they are at your house work.

"Some people drink with their parents and that is not a problem. Other parents would be unsettled by the knowledge that their daughter drinks alcohol. Hiding those things during that period does not make you dishonest or mean you are living a double life. Some do it out of respect and others do it for the sake of peace,” she says.

“It is important to know that sometimes parents visit their children in Johannesburg and other big cities coming from the villages. When their children are at work, the parents are alone in this house in a gated complex and cannot walk in the fields like they usually do and they get bored.  What do bored elders do? They clean. So sometimes them finding your porn stash and other private things in your cupboard was not them snooping, but they were just cleaning and stumbled on them.

“Just because we live in big cities and have the lifestyles that we have does not change the type of people our parents are. Now we are trying to marry two different generations. We play different roles in different relationships and the truth is some parents are fixated on their way of life,” she adds.

Olwethu concludes by saying that because we are in Covid times, we have all learnt how quickly people can lose those closest to them.

“If your mom is visiting and is sleeping in the next room that does not mean you cannot use your sex toys, just tone down the theatrics. Rather hide things from them that cause avoidable friction. If you lose them and the last thing you remember about them is a silly fight, you can find yourself struggling. Guilt and regret can complicate grief.”

_{*Not her real name}